Chronicle search, "desk" (2004)

200401: I'm sitting here wanting to write. My mom asked me when or why I write, not on the grand level but simply under what circumstances do I write, and I told her what I think is the truth. I said sometimes I sit here staring at the screen for hours, not writing. But I don't actually stare at the screen, I play with junk on my desk, I spin around in my chair and have a drink and pet my dog. I look around my writing room or get up and leave to shit or let the dog go outside to shit. The computer sits patiently playing music or silently waiting ten minutes and then going into stand-by. Well, whatever, I don't know when I write. Sometimes I have ideas that need to be written and they usually get scribbled with pen or pencil. But some good ideas simply come from forcing myself to write, just begining with whatever surface thought I have and then riding the crest of the sentence and page. Once I get a hold of a thought and wrestle it down into a sentence and then another, they lay down like bricks, or better yet picture Iceman from X-Men projecting his ice-bridges which he slides across, and that's what writing is to me. Sitting back and thinking is like flying, like Superman at an amazing speed. Writing is slower than thought, but it leaves a trail. And it's an art. Superman can just fly anywhere, but Iceman has to understand his ice bridges need supports and obey laws of nature. Time undermines the ice. Iceman can break one bridge or end it, and begin another.Writing is more like harnessing a flying Superman, and then channeling his exhaust stream into Iceman's bridge. I picture myself holding a sort of fishing net around a comet and steering it around. Harness a comet… Comet chariot… Writing is like high-speed gardening. Though I am not a gardener nor knowledgeable on Japanese banzai trees, I also picture myself shaping a tree that is growing very fast. It is strong and firm once it has grown but as it grows it is soft and pliable. It grows here out of my desk, and I can manipulate the branches to angle any way I choose. Once manipulated, they grow stronger and taller, immoveable, but I continue on with the new branches, bending and angling them in complicated patterns. I enjoy writing and it's a nice hobby, like those little Japanese trees. I let it go at a high speed, I just write (sometimes) and go on with whatever bullshit I've spat out, just building on it, like Iceman, even if the foundation is weak. I know it's not about quantity, but I'm not in my true "I'm-creating-art" mode, I'm more in a "I-can't-stop-my-brain" mode. (Hmm, I rewrote that three times. Additionally, "I-might-be-insane" mode, "Am-I-really-in-a-mode?" mode.) Writing is like laying tracks with the train chasing you. Writing is like harnessing and riding a giant worm from Dune, but it can fly and its tail reaches all the way back to its start like one of the motorcycles from Tron.